why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
