3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
