Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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