So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
