We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
