I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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