You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
