The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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