1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
