Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
