Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
