Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
