no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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