My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
