Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We have started to decorate penises.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
