Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
