I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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