oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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