all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
