Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
