My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
