the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Vodka?
Forever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
