Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
