and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize