the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
