I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
