She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
