So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
