I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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