Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
