I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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