Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
