i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
