Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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