i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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