Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
