i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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