So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
