Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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