My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
