haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
