I want to have your abortion
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
