Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
