are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
