Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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