they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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