I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
