just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
