i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
