Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
