She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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