I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
