Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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