He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
