I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
