Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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