Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
