my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
