there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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