they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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