Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
