remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
ttyl tear gas
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
