Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
