White coat. Heels.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize