i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
