Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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