I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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