first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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