no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
