Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
