Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
